When you have the luck to be surrounded by marvellous people, you should remember to let them know, how unique you think they are!
In my world, I’ve been blessed over time to meet some amazing, unique people and the ones, who have decided to stick around give me so much more than words will ever be able to express. Still, I’d like to let you know what they mean to me – what YOU mean to me J By telling you how I got here today!
My start in social life – way back in my early years – could have been better. Got a cultural shock when I started kindergarten, and through my entire school years I felt different, outside the class community and never good enough to be part of the rest of the team, so to speak. I often felt pointed at, locked out from the groups formed in class and often ridiculed and laughed at. When I left elementary school I decided that if someone was to laugh around me, they should laugh with me and not at me! That meant that in my college years and the years following those, I often stood out as the clown or funny person wherever I was. Or at least tried to – that meant I could control who laughed at what (or at least had an impact on it)!
Somehow being the clown is not a bad thing. However, I ended up not knowing who I was and what I had to offer. I.e. when I was with other people I didn’t give myself space enough to be myself, but always hid myself behind the clown. Not in a conscious way, but often it was easier to say something funny and have people around me laugh than to say something I was afraid would make people look at me with new eyes – and risking them not to like me….
It took me many years to reach a point where I dared to leave the clown outside the door and be myself – not that I’m boring or have stopped being funny and make jokes, but I found the strength to dare be a little serious, to say things I wasn’t sure how my surroundings would react to, to actually be a little more manifold and versatile in my outbursts.
Of course this meant, that some people stopped and looked at me with new eyes – found out they didn’t like what they saw and turned their back. But more importantly it also meant that those people who found that there was more depth to me, that there was even serious thoughts behind the “dark version of a dumb blonde [no offence, girls!]” stayed put and they even opened to me. I found that the people surrounding me were warm, intelligent people with lots of humour and still room for serious and deep discussions.
I found you!
I have had my ups and downs, and I tend to try to break my own limits all the time. My body still keeps trying to hold me back, and maybe that is the lesson I should learn now: Take life in as it is, at a slower pace and in a more laidback position than so far. Maybe this is a chance for me to let down some of the expectations I have to myself. That I always get up and make sure that there’s newly baked bread in the morning, whenever there are people staying overnight, that I always do everything alone and not let people help me, that I never find that one kind of cake when friends come over for coffee is enough and thus feel that I have to make at least two different kinds….! Maybe this is the time to cut down some of all this work and make sure that I also have the extra energy to be with those of you who come by, with my family, not least my two loves in life, and in the end very much be with myself.
I long for the day when I will be able to sit down in my sofa with a book, open the first page and know that I can read it as long as I feel like it….. The only one who stops me, though, is me, and that is my biggest project ever – to make me understand what is the best thing to do for me.
Just the other day I promised my daughter that I will be at least a 100, well, why not a 110 years old, but if I don’t change the way I live, I won’t make it….. So, I will make a New Year’s resolution, although I’m a little ahead of time here, and promise myself that from this second, I will not have as many “must do”s in my life and expectations to myself as so far….
I might need your help on the way, and I promise you that I will listen to you when you help push me in the right direction.
And thus, I will end this session of words by reminding you, how important you are to me. You are such caring and devoted friends and take such good care of me – I’m blessed to be gifted with friends who have not once let me down. I look forward to being back to a normal me where I can give you back some of all the love you give me!
I send you L-O-V-E
Hugs & kisses