I’ve be here before, but it doesn’t hurt any less being here again. For a long time, we have both been hoping that things would be better, but since none of us are happy the decision was unavoidable.
Looking back, it has been an emotional rollercoaster with glimpses of the real thing, but in reality we just have not been good for each other. I have for a very long time been hoping that the feelings I had when we first met would come back, but our second chance was never whole-hearted from my side.
I love him very much, but my love is not strong enough to make him happy. I’m sad to see him go, but since I cannot offer him more than friendship (and I must admit that I’ve been more a friend than a lover for too long!), I have to give him a chance of being happy with someone else.
At the same time, I realise that when we first met, he filled out a void after my father who slowly sank into dementia. My father had always been my rock, though not always visible I knew he was there for me. The void he left was filled by a man who in many ways was like my father, however, the loss I felt influenced me deeper than I thought and made me go in another direction emotionally. Thus, when I got a second chance to be with the one, I first believed was the love of my life, I was not the same person anymore. He, however, had reached a point where he was even more sure of his feelings for me and a dream of our future together.
You can dream of the future, but you can never foresee how you will grow and where it will lead you. I have, for more than a year, been hoping that my feelings would grow back to be as strong as they were, but because I love him, I have to accept that our future is not meant to be as lovers. Realising this, I also have to accept that I might not have him as a friend anymore. That hurts even more
Still, I want him to be happy, and equally important I want to be happy. If this means being single, that is just how it is. I am surrounded by wonderful people who give me so much love. People whom I feel blessed to have in my life.
Therefore, although my heart right now is crying, it will mend and smile again thanks to you guys. And I feel blessed that I’ve met someone who gave me so much love as he did – he will forever be in my heart and hopefully in time be a close friend.
So, 2014 starts off with pain, but at the same time, I’m sure we both feel some kind of relief that we can finally let go and deal with life as it is. And although I have a hope deep inside, that we might in future get a third chance, I also know that it is more a way of surviving the hurt than anything. You meet people all through your life that will teach you something – and if you take it all in, you might actually end up being just a little bit wiser than before.
Despite everything, I close my eyes at night counting my blessings and my last feeling before going to sleep is gratitude that I’ve been given the chance of being a mother, that I’ve met love in so many ways and that I have such beautiful people in my life.
As always , let me end by reminding you that love and being loved is a gift that you should cherish. Open your heart and stay honest to yourself – happiness will find you….
I send you L-O-V-E