The first steps have been taken towards a happier me and a whole me. For too long I’ve believed that things would be ok, if I just let time pass, but I’ve finally realized that to get a more balanced life and not least a happier one, I need to do something about it. And do it at once!
So, I’ve already taken two very important steps – and although I have no idea what the outcome will be, I am sure it will have a positive impact on me, one way or the other.
Some of you might think “not again!”, and I can understand that, since I’ve taken many decisions to go new directions. However right the decisions have been at the time I made them, they have turned out not to be the right ones in the longer run.
Also, when I see how my life has not been as good to the people around me that I love and care about, as my stress and depressive mind has affected them, I owe it to them to make an effort to be less stressed and not depressed again. I’ve been happy before, and I will get there again.
I’ve for one thing not taken my sadness and grief of losing my rock in life seriously – my father, who is now more a child than anything, was always the man who, even without saying anything, gave me strength by standing behind me and be there for me to lean on when I was confused and sad. He was an inspiration that I never realized was there until it was gone. I need to allow myself to cry the tears of sorrow for losing my father, the one who would always, in his own way, be there with the right words. The one who taught me to love Grooks and to remember to take life a little lighter and never forget to have fun. I owe it to the father I once had to stay on the right path and make sure that my life is filled with the blessings I have and not to let the worries take control.
There are also issues in my life that I cannot influence myself, but I can make an effort to have them minimized and thus not take up so much space in my life as they have done so far. I am divorced and so my ex-husband should be part of my past and not take up unnecessary space in my present and future. My promise to myself is that I will not let him and his actions influence me as much as before!
I’ve been given a job in a great company and have fantastic colleagues, but I just have to realize that although I don’t have as many hours per week as I did in my former job, I get very stressed over even the smallest things today. My stress level is by far where I thought it was – I have not been able to fulfil my tasks in a professional and acceptable way. That in itself is a stress factor that I cannot live with in the long run, and therefore it is on my list to do something about it.
Besides of course doing this for my lovely daughter and myself, I also owe it to a very special and dear friend, who I have had to let go. Sometimes you meet people through your life who are there to make you look at yourself in a new way, and I thank him for being there to do that. For a long time, I've been misguided by feelings that I thought were love, but deep inside I've known the entire time that the feelings were not true. For now I pray that we can stay close friends and find a beauty in that!
Taking the decisions and allowing me to open the lid to the boxes with sorrow and sadness to get it all out and hopefully take some weight off my personal luggage has not been all easy, but one person in particular has made me realize that I need to do this. I have some fantastic and beautiful people around me, who have been giving me their love and attention without asking to get anything back, but now it is time for me to get out of these dark holes and find the way back to the real and true me; the person who is truly happy and where the joy of just being me can be seen in my eyes and heard in my voice.
I love you for loving me – and I will be working hard to find the love for myself and be happy again!
I send you L-O-V-E