I never was good at waiting, and in particular I am not good at waiting for something to be cleared up between two people in any kind of relation. It eats me up inside not to be able to have whatever is between me and the person in question discussed through – also when it might mean that the relation between us will change after such discussion.
The specific situation I’m in right now is waiting for someone to dare to take this discussion with me. Not that I will be mean or angry, but I will be honest about how I feel and say things that I believe are true. I’m quite sure that the reaction will be attack – that I will be told a lot of things, which are regarded as truth by the other person, and of course that is ok. That is part of what we need to go through.
For several years I’ve listened to the same stories. Whenever this person has ended up in similar situations, the reaction has been more or less the same. Unfortunately, often the same childish reaction and lack of understanding of how changing your own ways of handling situations is always the best start. I’ve seen all the negative sides and heard all the negative outbursts, and although I have full understanding that we cannot always be joyful and happy, I also find it quite frustrating that it seems to be the same over and over again.
In the beginning, I tried to tell this person how it should be handle, but eventually I realized that it was my way of doing things, and not how this person might actually want to do it. Over the last few years, I’ve tried to be less active in coming up with solutions, and instead I’ve tried to answer questions with questions, hoping that it would make the person find the answers by looking inside.
Now it has reached a point where I cannot help any more. Not that I give up, but it takes too much energy from me, and it doesn’t generate any new positive energy at all. I would still like to be here as a friend, but up till now I’ve refrained from telling this person how I’ve felt as I didn’t want to be hurtful or in any way trigger more negativity, but it ends here!!!
I really wish for this person to find confidence inside and not find it necessary to use the surroundings to feel good. No matter who you are, I am convinced that if you believe in yourself and have confidence that what you can offer to your surroundings is more than enough, then you get the confirmation that we all long for. I’ve been there and so have many, many more – and I should be a living proof to this person that you can change negative to positive.
I’ve found this quotation describing it pretty good: “You have the power within you to create the life you want to live. You have the power to shape the world around you just by who you are being, and how you are communicating”
I end this by wishing for all of you wonderful people that you find what you need to be balanced in your life; that you let go of all the negative influences in your life, and that you dare to take the first step out of whatever you dislike in your life. Today, I will not sign out as MAMMA B, since I’m letting go of this role, particularly towards this friend. I’ll simple be me sending you all the L-O-V-E I have!
Hugs & kisses