I’ve been there several times over the last six months, and no surprise I ended up here again. Looking into the same pair of eyes and not being able to return the feelings I saw there. But this time, I handled it a little differently. Instead of ending it myself, I forced him to say stop
In no way was it any easier, actually it was quite hurtful, but to my strongest belief it was the only right thing to do. To ensure that he would not want to continue what we had, and to make sure he would let go of me, and may be even dislike me for what I’d done. To see and hear the hurt and anger in his eyes and voice really hurt me, but I still believe I did the only right thing.
Without any doubt he would have waited for me forever, but since I could not and cannot promise that I would ever match the feelings he has (or had!) for me, I couldn’t let it go on. And to make him realize that it had gone too far, hopefully will make him able to get on with his life without me in his heart.
I hurt and I miss him, but mostly I miss the friend I also lost. However, I respect that we cannot be friends, and I hope from the bottom of my heart that he will find the one woman that sees him the way he saw me – as the one and only person who can make you happy regardless of the flaws you might have!
Too many times I’ve chosen not to spend time with him, which I should want to since he was my boyfriend. Too many times, I’ve turned my back to him, because I didn’t feel like cuddling up. Too many times I’ve been annoyed over little things that you wouldn’t notice if you were in love. And in the end we both deserve better. He deserves the right kind of love back, and I deserve to be in love the right way.
No one can say what will happen in the future, but right now I don’t think there will be any future for us as a couple. I hope sincerely that we can find together as friends, since he is a wonderful person, has a really good and tender heart and a wonderful humour, but I also know that by doing this the way I did it this time, the chance of that is close to non-existent.
For him – as for all of you – I only wish happiness springing from true and honest feelings, no matter what kind of relation. I hope you will all open your hearts to whatever you meet, also when you’ve been hurt before. I couldn’t open my heart to him completely, but I hope I will be able to open it to someone in the future.
But right now I wish for all of you that you enjoy the holidays with your family and friends and will take time to feel whatever love you are surrounded by. In my own way, I love you all and am truly blessed to have you in my life.
HOLIDAYS and L-O-V-E