Sometimes it takes a near-disaster for things to be clear, and I’m no different on that subject.
Now I finally see what I’ve hungered for during the last weeks if not months. The mere ability to give myself space and enjoy just being me – to sit and stare at nothing and just relax.
Looking at my timeline over the last few months a lot of things have happened – and I’ve just not let myself take it in and digest it properly.
One love out on a very non-elegant way and without closure; new employer in with extremely many new impressions and names/ways of working; old lover in too fast….; new apartment with everything included such as planning the move and preparing the old home to be returned to its owner….. I could sum it all up by saying that what I’ve put myself through this summer, I wouldn’t do to my worst enemy (if I had one, that is…. )
And at the end of the day, I’m the only one who can change it. No one else can set my limits or pull out the stop sign! Unfortunately, I pushed myself so far that I almost lost someone very dear to me. I found myself in a situation where I had gone too far and my ability to see clear and just take one step back to look at myself and my situation in another light had disappeared. Since I want everyone to be happy and thus tend to forget how I’m doing, I’ve been in this situation before and I ought to have learned my lesson by now….
This time I could have lost someone who could very well turn out to be the one that could make me happy for the rest of my life – my fortune was and is that he wasn’t willing to let me go but showed that he would fight for us….
My promise to him – and to myself – is that I take one day at a time and take time to be me. To do nothing and just enjoy where I am right now. Slowly, everything around me is falling into place, and if I just give it time, I’m sure everything will work out fine.
So, today I ask you to do the same – take out time for yourself. Make sure you can breathe wherever you are and sit down and just relax. Someone told me not long ago that it is ok to be selfish, to do something for yourself and don’t take everything around you on your shoulders. Take responsibility for yourself and your own health – often the surroundings will not react until you’ve been pushed too far, and then it might be too late….
I’m blessed to have people around me who react to how I feel – unfortunately I also have the ability to hide how bad things are sometimes. But at the end of the day, I cannot hide it from myself and thus from you. PLEASE take this in – learn from it and take care of yourself. I cannot tell you what is best for you, but if you take time to find out, it will be obvious what you need. If it is more time alone, or more time with your loved ones, or whatever you might need, it’s right in front of you. Just dare to reach out and grab it!!
So, I’ll end this as I always do by reminding you to live your life and tell the people around you, how you feel – but today my twist is, that you should even tell them, if you feel bad and need something, anything, but say it out loud. I know that whatever you need will be right there – someone will be ready to help you get it. But until you spell it out, no one will notice it…
YOU are the one that’s important, so I send you L-O-V-E and the strength to find it!
Hugs & kisses,Mamma B