Being in a position where I’m feeling that I’m on top of things again, my mind is again beginning to react on what I’m hearing and seeing in my surroundings. And again(!) it’s mainly the emotional side of things that get my mind started.....
I’ve had my ups and downs over the last months. Not least being in a relationship where I’ve wanted to give all I had but still been afraid to let go of that last part that would make me totally open and vulnerable – and very aware of it being so..... Since I had no idea how I would react to the final decision of his leaving the country or not. And still, I knew very early that he would end up going no matter what; of course I had the hope that something would happen that would make him stay. On the other hand, it was very clear to me that he needed this, and being with his son was also such an important part of this decision that it would take something very extraordinary for him to stay.
So when the decision came, it wasn’t a surprise but it still hurt. And after first believing that I would be able to stand by him through it all, someone came into my life and messed it up totally But strangely enough in a good way. I needed to step back from the one I care so deeply about to find out that I couldn’t do without him. And I believe that those rather few days we had no contact he also realized something about what we have. I was heartbroken to lose him, but I was glad I stepped back since it made some of the heavy pieces inside of me fall into place.
I went back to him being even more open about my feelings than before. I gave him the very last part of me which of course made me very vulnerable, but at the same time very strong in what we have together.
You see, this guy is filling a void in me that no one has ever filled before. Being with him completes me – yes, I know it’s a total cliché, but it really feels unique. And I know that none of us are perfect and that our relationship isn’t perfect, but what we have together when being together is close to perfect. And to me that’s all I need
Just as the friends and family I have around me, he is honest and true, and he likes me for who and what I am; even on a bad day!! I’m crazy about his children, and I have no doubt that he’s also crazy about my little girl. And at the end of the day to me that’s what matters – the love for your family and the honesty and openness about what you share. He chose to move abroad because of a child, and I love him just because of that. It would never have been the same had he decided to stay here because of me – ‘cause our children are the most important and there’s nothing more to say about that!
Still, I also know that it will be challenging to see if we can keep what we have with the geographical distance between us. On the other hand, I strongly believe that if this is meant to be, nothing can break it. Not distance or anything. If it’s true and we are meant to be together we will be together.
If not, he has given me a stronger understanding of me and what I need in my emotional life, and I will know what to look for later on. But for now I believe that we have a strong chance of making it, because we have this special thing between us....
And at the same time, I find myself wondering how anyone can live a life where they are accepting anything less than the best. That they will live in a relationship that is “ok” although they could be in one where they are more than happy...... And how can you take away the chance from your partner of being happy? I mean, if you are in a relationship where you are not happy, but “ok”, what if your partner could be happy with someone else? Why not give him/her the chance of being that? I know that your partner is also responsible for his/her own life, but not all of us are strong enough to break out of a relationship – and for many reasons.
I believe that
if you care for someone, sometimes the best way of showing this is to let them
go. To give them a chance to go out and find that one unique person that can
make them really happy.
And I go right back to myself - by not bitching about my loved one moving abroad and not trying to convince him to stay here because of me, I give him the space he needs to settle in his new daily life. I believe that's love and respect - and I am convinced that by doing so, I give what we have an even stronger chance of growing
So, before ending up writing a novel, I'll leave you, but reminding you that you should remember to show the people you love that you love them. Don't wait until tomorrow, but do it now - why wait?? Be sure that I'm here for you and will always be here wanting you to have the very best no matter what.
In short, I send you L-O-V-E