Mamma B's Kitchen

Mamma B's Kitchen

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Once there was love

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 02 okt, 2012 23:27:09
But right now I cannot find it. For several weeks I’ve been going up and down emotionally, feeling insecure one moment and the next a 100% sure that this was it. And I’m still not sure if this really is “the” thing.

But since I’ve always believed that honesty must come first, and I try to learn from what I’ve experienced on my way and thus treat other people the way I want them to treat me, today I had to do something that was quite hurtful.

I really hoped that this time we would make it – that our love was strong enough to overcome anything we might run into, but right now I’m not sure. I’m not sure of anything, but at the same time I don’t feel I can do anything else. I have too much respect for this man to just let things go on the way they were.

Someone very wise told me that if you’re not sure of your feelings it’s because they are not there….. I want so badly to find into the deep feelings again and to give him so much love, but right now I cannot look into his eyes and return what I see there. I know how much he loves me, and it hurts me very much not to be able to give it back to him. I do love him, and I do want it to be him and me, but right now I do not have what it takes.

Where did it all go? Was it the broken trust that never allowed the true feelings to come back? Or were we never meant to be?

I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing, but I know for sure that I couldn’t do it any differently. I have to give him up to make him find the happiness that he deserves, since I cannot give it to him. And at the end of the day, I have to be able to look into the mirror and know that I did the right thing – what I hope other people would do to me, if they were in the same situation.

The easy thing is to do nothing and just let things happen, but out of respect for the person you love, you should have the courage to take the tough decisions. I might give up the one good thing I’ve had in my life for a long period – besides my beautiful daughter, i.e. – but I cannot see that I have any other choice.

The feelings I have for him tell me, that I should take a step back and let him be free from me – be able to go out and find someone that will love him back the way he deserves.

And on my side I know that I will pop up again soon. Hurting inside, yes, but surviving as always. And around me I will have my friends and family to push me forward. In time, I hope he will be my friend too, but if he cannot be that I will hope for him that he finds the deep love and happiness we once shared, although it was for a very short while. Don’t look to the past, but straighten your back and look ahead – before you know it, you will feel happy and joyful again and we will be a memory from your past.

Tonight my heart is filled with sorrow and at the same time hope of love. It is not possible to say what tomorrow will bring, but I hope you will all find a piece of hope in your life, hope that you are on the right track and that no matter where you are, tomorrow will seem a little brighter than today.

I give you L-O-V-E smiley

Hugs & kisses

Mamma B smileysmileysmileysmiley

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BELIEVING

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 27 jul, 2012 05:53:56

Believing is the essential thing to me. To me it is the difference between having a dream and making it come true.

And over the last few years I’ve seen it changing my life over and over again; always to the better, I might add!

When I was hit with the news of my divorce and only days after lost my job due to bankruptcy, I felt numb for only a few days, before I got up and began looking ahead. Believing that I would find a way out.

Not accepting no, I found a new job and moved on to a new home and started a new life. Believing even when ends didn’t meet that it would work out, and something always came around when I needed it the most.

Thus, I was in a good place one year ago, when I took a decision to leave what I had and move close to my parents.

To me, family has always been the most important thing, and therefore my decision to leave my life in Malmö behind and move close to my family in Denmark wasn’t hard but simply the natural choice.

And it put me in a financially tough position once again, but I believed that things would work out – and they did. Not immediately, but as my favourite poet, Piet Hein, said “Things take time”.

Today, I have a new job in a well-positioned Danish company giving me the time to be around for my daughter and still have a job that interests me.

After living in an expensive apartment for a year, I have a new place that is mine and less expensive – the perfect place to start a new life.

On top of this, I have the man in my life, I’ve always dreamed of. And by now you should know that I’ve been looking for him – and believed to have found him more than once….

I’ve been through hell and back, so to speak, but I have do doubt that he’s here to stay. It hasn't been easy, but now he’s mine smiley

We met last year, but it turned out that not everything was on our side. Then I believed that we were the right match just meeting at the wrong time. But when it ended, I wasn’t sure we’d get a second chance.

I met someone new – someone I cared for (and still care for) and who taught me a few important lessons about myself, and thus I believe that the time we had together was meant to be.

But in the end we turned out to be nothing more than friends, and now I see why!!

After almost one year, I met again with the man from last summer, and at first I only saw us as friends, but quite soon I came to realize that there was something more.

Both of us have had time to get things in the right places, and what I share with him today feels even stronger and more rooted than what we had a year ago.

When I said a few months ago, that by autumn everything would be ok, I never thought that my emotional life would be up here on cloud nine, and not in a million years had I thought it would be with him…..!

However, as you guys know, I never hold anything against anyone who has learned their lesson. I always believe in giving people a second chance.

My biggest uncertainty was, however, if the feelings I had for this man could ever be as strong again as they were a year ago. I’m aware – as is he – that there will be days with insecurity and ghosts popping up, but all in all I believe in what we have. I believe that the love we share will survive any obstacle we might meet on our way.

He is my closest confidant, the once I can laugh and cry with, the man I want to fall asleep and wake up with, the one I want to grow old with – the man I love smiley

He makes me feel unique – and he is unique to me…..

So, I can sincerely say that my cup runs over – I’m filled with so much love and tenderness for my beautiful daughter, the man I have in my life, and my amazing friends and family. Together all of you make me feel happy in a way I have not felt before.

My last word to you is BELIEVE! Believe in life, believe in love, and believe in yourself. No matter how dark things might look, at the end of the day, things will work out, as long as you believe.

And with these words I humbly give you L-O-V-E

Hugs & kisses

Mamma B smileysmileysmileysmileysmiley

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On a clear day…..

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 21 apr, 2012 04:23:57

Rise and look around you, and you'll see who you are – and so again I start by using a few words from a song smiley I’ve heard them more times than I can remember and still I hear them in a new way every time…..

Just listen to it on a clear day – right now, in the middle of the night, I believe that it is a clear day to me. I’ve just hung up talking to my very special someone, who now lives abroad. And against all odds it seems to me as if our relationship has evolved to something more intense, deeper and much better than I could have believed. So right now, it IS a clear day to me, since I see things so much clearer now than I did just a few weeks ago.

This alpha male, so far from any man I’ve had in my life before, has reached into depths in me that I never knew existed. He has given me tranquillity and peace – or maybe, he has just given me the space to realize that I’ve had it in me all the time….smiley

More than anyone I’ve met before, this person has turned out to be more like my father, than I ever thought possible. He has the same values and the same strong belief in what he does. Like my father, he is not a man of many words when it comes to feelings, but still for the first time ever someone has reached me without words….. When I say how I feel, he doesn’t repeat what I say, but simply by being him he shows me how he feels. If I tell him, how good he looks, he doesn’t say that I’m beautiful, but by the tone of his voice or the look in his eyes, the way his hands touch my arm or just the way he leans against me sitting next to me, by such a gesture he can make me feel in every fibre of my body how he feels.

And finally I’ve seen the light, so to speak. I don’t want him, or any of my friends or family to repeat me when I say something nice or give a compliment – I want everyone to be themselves and let their feelings show in their own way, no matter if it is by gestures or by words. Only then can it be real and honest – and at the end of the day, isn’t that what we all want?

Rise and look around you, and you’ll see who you are – well, need I explain?? From the second, this person entered my life he has given me the space to be me, taken me for who and what I am in good as well as bad and never tried to force any of his ideas or beliefs on me. And by doing so, he has given me the power to see into places in me that I’ve never entered before. Not analysing or in any way trying to change what I’ve found, but looking into the mirror and for the first time seeing the real me.

And guess what?? I like what I see!!!! Not that I believe I’m perfect, but I’m me with all the flaws and cracks that have formed me during my way through life, I’m me with all the love and tenderness I give and receive, and all the people I have in my life. Yes, I’m me, but without you I would be no one…..smiley

Remember that love also includes respect and that respect also means to let people around you be who they are. There are so many different people out there, and sometimes we try to form the people we meet to be someone we want, but you should instead look for the one who reaches into you and give you that feeling of satisfaction and happiness just by being them. I know that sometimes it can be confusing to meet someone who is close to what we believe is right, but if you open yourself, even though it will mean putting your feelings out there, I firmly believe, that you will know when the right one has come into your life.

Some people call it soul mate, but I just believe that it is the right person, at the right place, at the right time. And I don’t believe there’s only one right person, but during our lives we meet several people, who will match us perfectly, but we’re not always ready for them, when they come into our lives.

I’ve been lucky and met at least one, and no matter what tomorrow brings, this clear day has helped me realize that what I got yesterday, today and what will come tomorrow can be good or bad, but whatever happens, no one can take away the good I’ve had so far. Therefore, it is important that you give yourself the opportunity to enjoy the moment you’re in and live out the feelings you have. There are no promises as to what happens tomorrow, but if you are open and positive, I’m convinced that you will meet openness and positivity and thus be happy and content in your life…..!

And so, I give you L-O-V-E!

Hugs & kisses

Mamma B smiley smiley smiley smiley smiley

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What is friendship?

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 04 mar, 2012 22:30:56

Normally, I never ask myself that question since I on my side don’t find that I have any issues on that particular subject. But lately I’ve found myself wondering what friendship means to people in general...

To me it’s natural that friendship is respect and love – but what does that mean? To me it’s the little things, like if I’m late, I’ll let you know; if you ask anything, I’ll answer; if you need something and I can give it to you, I’ll give it to you, and if I cannot give it to you, I’ll tell you. It’s honesty in all aspects and at all levels. Making sure you’re all right, showing an interest in you as a person and your life in general. Giving you attention and affection because I want to – to me that’s how I (at least try to) show you guys that you’re my friends.

It’s also a matter of listening. Not all of you say things as straight forward as I tend to. And maybe that’s good!! Being your friend I – hope – that I can read you so well, that if something is wrong and you’re not telling me about it I can still feel that something needs to be “dragged” out of you. And again respect to me is that I only do it if I feel that you are ready to talk about whatever it might be and that I don’t push you....

I know that I tend to give a lot and sometimes I feel that I need to tell you that you should not give back the same amount of attention to me as I give to you – simply because I know I tend to be a little over the top now and again. To me it’s a part of, who I am – I need to give a lot, or put in other words, I cannot help it. Or as Audrey Hepburn put it: “I was born with an enormous need of affection and a terrible need to give” – when I give something, the mere action of giving it is important and just seeing the reaction is something I thrive on. The affection I get from you by you being in my life is in itself amazing. On the other hand, I’m also aware that sometimes I’m just too much – not everyone can handle the amount of attention and affection I often give, and my personal challenge is to notice if I’m giving too much. It’s not always easy since I only do it out of an honest and lovong heart, but I try to use my intuition and hold back when I feel that’s the proper thing to do.

And then I find myself wondering, why it is that when a friendship changes into a relationship between lovers, some people tend to change how they treat each other. As if, you have higher expectations to your partner than to your friends! I know it, because I’ve been there..... I hope that by now I’ve become better at giving my partner as much space and respect as I give you friends.

I try to give my friends a lot of space and although it can also mean leaving you alone sometimes (and I find that difficult since I want to make sure you’re OK!), I still hope you feel that if I don’t send you a lot of text messages or call you it is not because I don’t care, but often because I sense that you need the space.

And I hope you know that no matter what you need and when, I’m here for you always. If I can, I will help you, no matter what. I’ve always thrived on giving – previously I’ve been too much of a pleaser not taking my own needs and feelings into consideration, but I feel I’ve become much better to listen to what I need and not ignore it when giving.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to me is still that we remember to show the people around us that we care and not use any excuses to postpone it – no one knows what tomorrow will bring, but living in the present and making the best of it is a good start smiley

Let that be the last of my scrabbling for now. I’m right here, right now and will be here always.

All my love!

Mamma B smiley smiley smiley smiley

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Love is life....

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 03 jan, 2012 04:17:26

Isn’t it typically and unfair that when you finally find yourself in a situation where you feel comfortable and, well I’d almost say safe emotionally, something that is completely out of your hands jumps in and takes control. And having to wait it out just to find out if what I’ve found and if the way I feel will be taken away from me or stay in my life is quite tough....

On the other hand, what it’s given me is something completely different from what I’ve experienced in the past. The honesty in it all gives such calm and reassurance and has made me take one day at a time. And yes, I’ve completely lost my heart in this, but at the same time I’ve found someone whom I believe in and who has taken away my restlessness and who lets me give what I want and have in me without questioning me.

So, although I know that it might end up breaking my heart, I still stay in it believing that if this is really it things will work out somehow. And if it doesn’t, nothing or no one can take away what it has given me and how he makes me feel right now. I believe in love and will continue to believe in it – and right now I just want to tell the whole world that he’s mine......smiley

And I’ll wait until tomorrow to worry about what might happen. Right now I just want to settle in the feeling he gives me and enjoy what I have with him. No one can take away the presence, and no one can tell you what happens tomorrow, but if you live in the moment you might experience something very close to happiness and in the end isn’t that what we all want...??

Even if only for a small moment I wish for you that you experience this feeling – that you let yourself be happy where you are and not let worries about tomorrow or about what might happen cloud your mind and take away your chance of seeing the joy and happiness right in front of you.

Love is special and something you should treasure – maybe this is what I’ve found, and I will never regret being in the middle of it. But most importantly I will never let tomorrow take away how I feel today.

And let those words be the last ones from me today. Love is life!

Hugs & kisses

Mamma B smiley smiley smiley smiley smiley

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I choose love

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 14 sep, 2011 12:16:17

One day I feel as if my heart is breaking, and the next day I find myself looking ahead and smiling....! Yes, to some of you it might be difficult to follow how I feel sometimes, but to me it’s more an act of surviving. Deciding that the negative things in my life shall NOT take over and ruin everything.

And thus, I raise my head and look forward no matter what might have been yesterday. I open my heart to new people and new experiences. By doing so, I feel the joy of living and breathing and I give myself maximum opportunity to feel love and happiness. I AM an emotional girl and I cannot imagine a life without love, which is why I keep looking for it. I know it’s out there – maybe it’s right in front of me this very moment....!!

I let people come near me and open my arms and heart to them, well aware that at the same time I risk getting hurt. But if you’re not willing to take chances, you’ll never give yourself the chance of finding real and true love. And call me naive, but I DO believe in that kind of love – I know I’ve said that THIS was it quite a lot of times, and I’ve believed it every time. As you know, I’m all in or all out!! Still, when I open my heart to someone I also feel the insecurity of putting my heart out there and risk getting hurt again, but I don’t feel I can do it any different..... I want to find that special love and be able to give and receive love. I want to have him to share my ups and downs with – the one I want to call first thing, when something happens in my life. The special one I cannot imagine living without. And I’m very convinced that I’ll find him – maybe I already have smiley

I have so much to give to everyone, and although I have my beautiful princess, my family and friends, I still want that extra dimension that a true love will bring. I want to love and be loved unconditionally – and I’m sure it will happen.....

So, I’ll end by saying that no matter what don’t ever give up looking for him or her!! Don’t give up on the way, because when the time is right you’ll find that special person who can make you happy. And we all deserve to be happy!! Just be yourself and remember to show the people you love how you feel smiley I love the fact that I have so many beautiful people around me – I feel blessed that you’ve chosen to share your lives with me and let me be part of you. Be sure that I will keep doing my best to show you how I feel.

I never give up on love OR on you guys – THANKS for being part of my live!

Hugs, kisses & love

Mamma B smiley smiley smiley smiley smiley

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When the time is right

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 02 jun, 2011 13:45:22

Now that it’s gone I suddenly feel how heavy a burden I’ve been carrying for the last 18 months. The weight didn’t hold me down, but now that it’s gone I feel light as a feather smiley

I just did a thing I probably should have done months ago, but when it involves people that are in my surroundings I never tend to act until I’ve thought through carefully the consequences and to make sure it is the right decision taking circumstances into consideration. This particular decision has been underway for a longer period, but last night was the right time. There was just no other option. And although I felt sad having to do it, the outcome of it is without a doubt for the best. Also for the person it will involve besides me although that person may not realize it just yet.

The best thing is once you’ve acted on a decision, and the gut feeling you had turns out to be right. Someone turned out to be exactly as I had thought and hoped for. And this person is someone who I have actually never had a really good relationship with – but when it comes down to facts and crisis he turned out to be just as I thought; and I’m sure that he has now the same respect for me as I do for him.

So, as I always believe, everything can turn to the better even when it seems impossible. I’ll say it again (and am happy to): nothing is impossible, but sometimes it can be challenging to get through it.

And once again I was more than happy to see how blessed I am with the people around me. Every single one of you guys stood by me in this decision; smiley most of you actually believe I should have done it much earlier, but then again knowing me you also know that I don’t take drastic decisions. This one had to come naturally, and yesterday it did.

Now, I can finally put this behind me, and I’m sure that as time goes by the person this affects right now will also see that it was for the better in the end. I hope he looks at it that way; but if he doesn’t I still will not regret my decision. It was the right one!

Thus, I will leave you with the usual “Mamma B” reminder to show the people around you how much you care and appreciate that they are in your life. Never take anyone for granted; it only takes a second for them to disappear. Carry them with you in your heart wherever you are – and never ever be afraid to show how you feel! Even when you’re sad and need someone to be there for you – you have again and again shown me that none of you are more than a phone call away and that in itself has given me the strength to get through SO much more than I’d normally be able to.

THANKS for being my friends – I hope you know I’m here for you forever and always!!!

Hugs & kisses

Mamma B smileysmileysmileysmileysmileysmiley

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Bara lite kärlek....

Dessert... ;-)Oprettet af Birgitte Kratgaard 08 maj, 2011 21:43:31

Isn’t that what we’re all hungering for?? Well, I know that’s what I want. That little kiss in the morning, the hug when saying goodbye and the love in the voice who talks to you..... smiley

By now I feel that I’ve been through enough on the dating scene. Not that I have that person to wake up with every day, but all this speed dating has lost its charm. Not the speed dating where you have 5 or 10 minutes to get to know someone, but I actually feel that dating on the internet has become too “speedy”. Everything has to go so fast – you chat with messages popping up every other second and you have to think fast and react within seconds.....

Although I’m not the most patient person and very much want to meet the person I’ve become interested in, I find myself in a place now that is quite new to me. I want time to get to know the person on the other end of the line (whatever kind of line we’re talking about). Yes, of course I still want to know everything at once – that’s just who I am; Curious George, so to speak. But at the same time, I’ve finally found a calm that I haven’t felt for a long time. I still want to get the attention and be confirmed all the time – don’t we all?? – but on the other hand I feel that I get it from the life I have already. At least a LOT of it......

Yes, I long for a pair of arms to fall asleep in. For the person who will both be my close friend and lover. The one I will want to share my innermost secrets with (although there aren’t really any secrets left....) – and who will want to do the same with me.

Someone who has a satisfying life and where it isn’t from desperation that he dates, but merely because he is also ready to find that special one to share a future with.

And for once I have a feeling that I’m REALLY ready – not that I haven’t believed in the other persons I’ve dated. Those of you who really know me also know that I’m all in or not in at all!! Either you believe in what you engage your feelings in or you don’t. And I always do.

So hit me, L-O-V-E, I’m ready for you..... smiley

That’s what I’ll leave you with for now. Just reminding you (again!) that you should remember to show the people around you how much you appreciate and love them. When I give my love and affection to people around me I get SO MUCH back and the energy I get from that is fantastic!!!

I’ll send you some love and energy and know it’ll come back to me tenfold.

Hugs & Kisses,

Mamma B smileysmileysmileysmileysmiley

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