Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 06 Aug, 2017 21:59:48
Min datter er 11, meget moden af sin alder, og med et selvværd
og en indre ro få af hendes jævnaldrende besidder – ja, jeg lyder som en farvet
mor, og det er jeg da også; jeg er selvfølgelig vildt stolt over at have en
pige, som ikke umiddelbart lader sig påvirke af, hvad hun ser på alle medier og
Til sammenligning havde jeg selv en barndom, hvor mit
selvværd var stort let lig nul, og jeg aldrig følte mig god nok til mine
omgivelser. Når jeg så i spejlet om morgenen, var jeg egentlig tilfreds, men
kort tid efter at være kommet i skole, følte jeg mig allerede forkert,
malplaceret og bestemt ikke hverken køn eller som en af de andre. Allerede
dengang lovede jeg mig selv, at jeg aldrig ville bedømme andre ud fra deres
udseende, men ud fra personen. Og det
forsøger jeg også – med held indtil nu – at lære min datter!
Indrømmet, vi ser altid indpakningen først, og jeg har da også
selv bedømt ud fra det, der først rammer øjet alt for mange gange. Men samtidig
har jeg igen og igen oplevet, hvordan et menneske folder sig ud ved nærmere
bekendtskab, og hvordan de samtidig bliver smukkere at se på.
Ikke noget mumbo jumbo eller andre tryllerier – men hvis du
giver dig tid til at lære et menneske at kende, er jeg sikker på, du de fleste
gange vil opleve, hvordan de vokser og blomstrer. Eller helt basalt kan du jo
også teste det på en mere enkel facon, når du går på gaden. Forestil dig en gråvejrsmorgen
– du møder mange mennesker på vej på arbejde, i skole o.lign.; alle (eller de
fleste i hvert fald) går i egne tanker og ænser ikke omgivelserne. Men prøv at
fang deres blik og smil og se, hvordan ansigtet over for dig folder sig ud og
Så start den nye uge med at gå ud og smil til verden – se lidt
længere ind i menneskene omkring dig og oplev med egne øjne, hvordan skønhed
ikke kun sidder udenpå.
Se med hjertet!
Kys & kram
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 31 Dec, 2016 13:54:12
Og ser tilbage på endnu et år, hvor der har været op- og
nedture, men hvor jeg hele tiden er landet på begge ben, ikke mindst takket
være de mennesker, der er omkring mig.
Min samvittighed har været helt sort i perioder pga. alt for
mange fraværsdage på mit arbejde, men jeg har oplevet, at jeg virkelig er
havnet det rigtige sted. Jeg har nogle helt fantastiske kollegaer, som har
favnet mig selv på mine mørke dage, og med hvem jeg har grinet så tårerne har
trillet; mennesker som giver mig ro og tryghed og dermed får det bedste frem i
mig. En ledelse, som har valgt at give mig plads til at få styr på de
problemer, jeg har med mit hoved, fordi de vil mig og det, jeg giver i mit
daglige arbejde, og som dermed gør mig både taknemlig og loyal helt ind i det
inderste af mig.
Jeg har ligeledes rundet et stort flot halvt århundrede, og
det med mennesker omkring mig, der virkelig betyder noget for mig. En fest som
ikke var stor og dyr, men som var mig på alle måder. En aften så fuld af
kærlighed og glæde, dans og sang – ja, en sang som var den største
kærlighedserklæring, jeg kunne ønske mig. Mit livs kærlighed har virkelig vist vores familie og venner, at det er mig, han elsker. I en alder af 50 år sidder
jeg med stor taknemlighed og forsøger at nyde hvert øjeblik, jeg er her. Det er
vel også det, vi er her for – at få det bedste ud af det liv, vi er havnet i,
og hvis vi ikke trives, hvor vi er, så må kompasset rettes ind, så vi kan styre
i den rigtige retning.
Det har taget mig rigtig lang tid at nå frem til det sted i
livet, hvor jeg hviler i mig selv og den hverdag, jeg har. Det kan være svært
at huske sig selv, når ens liv har bestået i at sørge for, alle rundt om har
det godt. Nu er fokus mere på mig selv, og det mærker jeg i den ro, der vokser
i mig. Det har også betydet, at jeg har taget mere hårdhændet fat omkring mine
problemer med spændinger og migræne, og i skrivende stund er jeg ved at opbygge
en hverdag, hvor jeg svømmer tre gange om ugen, laver øvelser dagligt og
generelt forsøger at passe på mig selv. Det betyder bl.a. at mærke efter og
melde ærligt ud, når kroppen siger, jeg skal have ro. Det kan godt være svært,
og det gør ondt på mig, når det går ud over andre, men det kan bare ikke lade
sig gøre at komme gennem livet og se sig selv i øjnene helt uden at træde andre
over tæerne indimellem. Desværre….
Det år, vi er på vej ud af i dag, har budt på mange
udfordringer mellem mit pleaser-jeg og mit ego-jeg – jeg forsøger at nedtone
pleaseren i mig og give mere plads til egoisten, men det er bare ikke en nem
opgave. Jeg er ved at lære, hvor vigtigt og samtidig svært det er at passe på
sig selv og være ærlig over for sig selv på en og samme gang. Men det er uden
tvivl den rigtige vej, jeg er på vej ned af, så jeg ser frem til et nyt år, hvor
mine to jeg’er nærmer sig hinanden endnu mere.
Tak skridtet ind i 2017 med åbent sind og tag mod det, livet
byder dig. Husk at lev det liv, du
ønsker og vær tro mod dig selv; og sørg for at leve i nuet. Elsk dig selv og de
mennesker, der har en plads i dit hjerte, og sørg for at de ved, du elsker dem.
Godt nytår til alle jer derude – og husk: størst er
Knus & kram
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 01 Jan, 2015 23:57:51
Det gamle år er
pakket ned og lagt i stakken af brugte år – det nye ligger helt nyt og åbent
klar til at indtage.
Dagen derpå har
det brugte år passeret revy for mit indre øje, nu hvor jeg alligevel har ligget
brak i sofaen. Et år med udfordringer, overraskelser og endnu en gang
uvurderlige timer med dem, jeg holder af På mange måder har jeg følt mig udfordret
ud over mine evner, men det har samtidig været med til at give mig et klarsyn
omkring, hvad jeg vil og ikke vil professionelt. Et klarsyn jeg har søgt efter
nærmest i blinde, og som nu er med til at give mig en ro og tryghed. Jeg vender
ikke noget ryggen, men jeg står mere fast ved mig selv og de evner, jeg har med
I året der gik,
har jeg også givet slip – givet slip på et menneske, som stod mig meget nært,
men hvor vi begge godt vidste, at vi ikke havde samme udgangspunkt i vores
relation. På trods af det gode vi havde sammen, blev vi begge holdt fangne i
noget, som gav mere smerte end glæde, og som holdt os fra at finde frem til
det, vi begge søgte: besvaret, ægte kærlighed. Det gør altid ondt at give slip
på et menneske, man holder af, men der var ingen tvivl hos mig om, at det var
det eneste rigtige at gøre. Heldigvis har vi i dag lidt kontakt ind imellem.
Jeg vendte mig
mod andre for at få den bekræftelse, vi alle søger. Meget bevidst om, hvad jeg
i hvert fald ikke søgte, og måtte
indse, at det skrevne ord ikke nødvendigvis giver det rigtige billede af, hvem
der sidder i den modsatte ende af ”snakken”. Men pludselig var den der, den der
følelse af at ha’ ramt noget rigtigt. Det første møde og håbet, som var ved at
drive os begge til vanvid – håbet om at den anden virkelig var alt det, vi
begge følte. Det første kys…. nøj, hvor det kildede helt ned i tæerne Den
første tur, hvor vores hænder mødtes, og så var den der – bare lige sådan! Hvor
klicheagtigt det end lyder, så vidste jeg det, da han tog min hånd. Der var han
jeg havde drømt om at møde, ham jeg uden tvivl skal blive gammel med
En af dem, jeg desværre
ikke har kunnet give slip på, er min far. Han findes der stadig, selv om han
bliver dårligere og dårligere og bestemt ikke giver nogen omkring ham den
glæde, han gjorde mens han stadig var den positive og glade person, som kun er
et minde nu. Jeg ser ham mindre og mindre, men hver gang jeg ser ham, føles det
som om mit hjerte går i stykker. Jeg finder dog en trøst i at vide, at jeg nu
har en at dele mit liv med, som min far ville ha’ været utrolig glad for. Han
ville have nydt hans selskab, og han ville blive rørt i sit inderste, hvis han
kunne se manden i mit liv sammen med min datter – alt i alt ville min far være meget
glad på mine vegne. Og bevidstheden om det giver mig styrken til stadig at
kigge forbi ham og sige hej; og samtidig ønske at han får fred i det år, vi
netop har budt velkommen. At vide hvor meget han ville skamme sig over det
menneske han er i dag, gør næsten mere ondt end tanken om at miste ham. For han
er jo væk. Men han er hos mig i mit hjerte alltid
Året har også
budt nye mennesker velkomne – personer som jeg glæder mig til at lære endnu
bedre at kende i det helt friske år, som ligger foran os. Der skal snakkes
alvor og grines over mange middage og kaffe-/te-møder med nye som gamle venner,
og mon ikke der ryger en enkelt kage eller to med undervejs
Så jeg ser
tilbage på et år, hvor der har været plads til både eftertænksomhed, latter og
glæde. Tid til at takke for endnu et år, som bestemt ikke giver anledning til
de store beklagelser, og byde et nyt velkomment med åbent sind; bare kom an,
jeg er så klar til at tage, hvad der kommer!
Som altid slutter
jeg med at minde jer om, hvor vigtigt det er vise kærligheden til dem, I har
omkring jer. Jeg føler mig meget, meget elsket; jeg har de mest fantastiske
mennesker i mit liv og gør hvad jeg kan for at vise, hvor meget det betyder. I
gør mig til den jeg er, uden jer var jeg slet ikke den samme. Så kast jeg ud i
det nye år og gør noget ved det – størst af alt er kærligheden
mig til jer!
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 19 Apr, 2014 03:45:55
Time is a
funny thing – when you want it to pass quickly, it feels like ages, and when
you want it to pass slowly, it just seems to run off too fast.
time has been an issue to me – not in a bad way at all, but still an issue. And
it seems that for some people in my close surrounding, it was obviously
something they felt strongly about. Still, since it is my time, it has been something I’ve had to deal with.
In the last
three to four weeks, I’ve experienced feelings I’d forgotten existed. I thought
I’d been here before, but I cannot recall having felt so strong and not having
felt just a little insecure or doubtful of the feelings returned to me as I do
now. In my heart there is no doubt how I feel, and there is no doubt at all of
how the one who has my heart feels for me.
know me also know that I fall easily, but you also know that I’ve always had
doubts or insecurity to some extent, and doubts both of my feelings and the
feelings returned to me. This new feeling of just being loved and not having to
question how much, why or even wonder for how long is so new to me, yet so
wonderful, that I’ve not sat down and wondered for even a moment, if this was
something serious, because I just know it is!
I never thought of time as an issue, when I presented my daughter to the man in
my life ten days after we’d met. I never thought of it as too early wanting my
close friends and family to meet him either. And only one person decided that
it was too soon for her after three weeks – of all people it was my mother! I
was really disappointed in her, but knowing her as well as I do, for me it was
also a matter of making a statement, since part of her reaction clearly was
trying to control part of me. Being very much alike, we are both very stubborn,
and I was in no way going to give in to her, but I also knew that I had to give
her time, to think about things. She ended up meeting my love earlier that she
expected – and liked him, of course! – but it made me wonder why some people
are so hung up on time….
If you have
someone in your life who has a fatal illness and thus has limited time left
with you and his/her closest friends and family, time is very important and
each second should be spend with those who mean a lot to the person in
If you have
a close relative who has a disease that is painful to him/her and/or the close
relatives, you’d like time to pass by quickly. I’m thinking specifically of
people like my father, who is today so bad that he cannot eat himself any more,
he cannot recall my mother, and is now even having difficulty moving around
himself. He has no dignity left, and it tears apart my mother seeing him
degrade as a human being, the love of her life and her best friend – in his
case, I would wish for time to go quickly and let him pass away to release my
mother from the pain.
In the specific
case of my own time, I believe I’ve reached a place in my life, where time should
be spent with someone who fills my heart and days with love and joy – my daughter
does this, and now I’ve met a man who also does it. As what I feel in my heart
is so clear and honest, I see no reason at all to wait the “nominated time”
before showing the world and not least my daughter that I’ve found the one! There is no doubt in my mind that
this is right, and I just want to share it with everybody. Why should that be
there is one specific thing, I’ve not yet said, and for the first time, I feel
that it should be kept for that one right moment – I already feel very strong
about this man, and I feel more than in love with him, I can honestly say that
I love him, but some things should wait for the right moment, and this time I
back into bed next to the one who has my heart, I will remind you that you
should not wait living your life till tomorrow or next week; don’t keep back
how you feel about the people around you – tell them and more importantly show them
what they mean to you. Time is important and should not be holding you back,
but pushing you forward.
all the best and pushing you into your new adventures, I send you L-O-V-E!
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 02 Apr, 2014 10:37:01
I never was good at mornings – although I can get out
of bed early, I cannot do much for the first half hour or so. Coffee and time
are my best friends at early hours, and when I get the time I need, my mornings
turn out pretty good.
When I finally get out of the door and out in public,
however, I’m ready to face yet another day no matter how grey it may be. I sit
in my car with loud music and sing along – feeling how the music puts extra
positive energy into every fibre in my body. I often see other drivers sit half
asleep or with an emotionless face behind their wheels. But then they notice
the dark haired chick in the car next to them not being able to sit still while
the music’s playing, and when I meet their surprised glance with a smile, their
faces light up returning my smile
And isn’t that what it is all about?? Don’t lock
yourself up in your own world but open your mind and sphere to the people
After parking my car, I have a small walk to the
office, and on my way I meet a lot of busy people on their way to jobs, school
or the like. They all look pretty serious, but when I catch their looks and
smile at them, everyone smiles back at me – now that’s a great start on yet
another day, and only because I open myself to people around me.
OK, I know that some days you just want to go to work,
get it over with and go back home – of course I have those days too, but then
again if you find out what it is that makes your day a little better, you
should actively do it a little more. I cannot imagine my drive in the morning
(and in the afternoon) without music. It fills me with joy listening to music,
and often I’m singing along loudly, giving other drivers something to laugh about
I start my day slowly, and when I’m awake I kiss my
little princess until she’s awake and help her start her day on a good way too –
I make sure that the people I love are reminded that I’m here and still love
them, and hope it will start their day off a little better.
During the years I’ve tried a lot of different things,
both emotional and professional challenges, but it all comes back to the same
thing every time: a smile to the world around you makes a huge difference, not
only to yourself but also to the ones receiving your smile. On dark cloudy days
your smile may be the one thing that will make another person attack his or her
problems a little harder, or just make a better day.
And one small but very important thing – we all look
beautiful wearing a smile, and the deeper your smile goes, the more beautiful
you will look. So I’ll continue wearing a smile and greet the people around me
Before sending you out in the world with a smile, just
a small reminder that I feel blessed having you people in my life – I hope you
remember that I’m here for you, rain or shine, and will always be here. Just as
I do, remember to tell the people around you how much they mean to you. Stay in
the moment and give life a chance, and face it with a smile.
So, I send you all my love,
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 28 Jan, 2013 11:45:00
Things might seem tough and sometimes almost impossible to overcome – bills piling up and finances never seem to be enough….. But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the little one whose comfort and dependence of you is overwhelming.
And when this little one then lies with a fever and crying out in pain, all you can do is hold her, comfort her with soft words and a voice filled with love. With her in my arms I need no more….
But reality comes back with bills, work and normal routines and questions popping up from everywhere asking you to take a stand all the time. This time, however, I’ve decided not to go back to that reality in the same way as before. You can ask me a question, but I cannot promise that I’ll answer – you can tell me to take a stand, but I cannot be sure that I’ll know what to do.
I feel lost and insecure, and tired, VERY tired, and hoping this will not affect the life of my daughter and myself too much, I’ve decided that for now she and I are the only two people that matter. It might be so for a few days, a few weeks or months, I cannot say it, but I don’t feel the urge to pick up the phone and call a friend and blur out with whatever it is I’m thinking of. This time it goes deeper and might be what I’ve been “preparing” for since we moved back to Denmark.
I owe it to myself, my daughter and those of you who are close to me to do it right this time. To take the required time and fill out the blanks before I continue down the road I’ve started.
Looking around I see some amazing people who are there for me ready to back me up and help me take the next steps on this road. I really hope you guys know how much I appreciate you being there. This is, however, something I need to do myself – it will help me knowing you are there, but I will have to look inwards and find the answers myself without discussing any of it with someone.
So these lines are simply to let you know that I’m still here, but if you wonder why I’m not calling you, texting you, writing loads of updates on FB, well, I’ve decided to take a timeout from all of you to find the calm that I need to make my life work and give my darling daughter what we need to have a well-balanced life.
Feel free to send a few words/lines now and again, but I cannot promise that I will answer you right away…
And so, I send you L-O-V-E!!
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 23 Dec, 2012 23:54:50
Being at the
time of the year where we celebrate family and spend time with the people we
care about, I find myself longing to call my best friend, but I know I cannot
says that I’m not to blame, I feel bad for having hurt him and let him down.
And all I really want is to hug him and tell him that everything will be all
right. It’s just that this time, it will not be right with us together.
This time I
was in love with the dream of the two of us together, not in love with him. I
wanted things to be as good and strong as they were the first time, but I just
wasn’t ready. I pushed away all sensibility and persuaded myself that it was ok
and that the feelings for him would come eventually, but they didn’t, and I
shouldn’t have let it come this far.
I was far
from out of a previous relationship with someone else emotionally, and it was
convenient (sorry, but it’s true…) to be loved by someone I knew so well and
had loved so deeply before and not have to face the hurt feelings from the
broken relationship. Today, I’m sorry that I was so soft and didn’t listen to
myself, but I can only hope that the lesson to be learned from it will stay with
I can never
know if things would have been different, had I done the sensible thing and not
gotten involved in more than friendship, but I know that he is a really, really
good man and that he deserves true love.
I just hope
he will also take time to think about himself and how some people treat him.
Because of his (too?) good heart he lets people step on his feelings sometimes,
and he just doesn’t deserve that. I know what I’m talking about, since I’ve
been exactly the same. But after last summer, where I was hurt like never
before, I promised myself that NEVER EVER would I let someone do that to me
again, and regardless of how I felt about them. I know that has been good for
me and will continue to be so, and I just hope that he will also find that way
I know we
are different, and I know we do not fit together the way things are today, but
I have a hope inside of me that we will both evolve and meet again. I sincerely
hope that we will get a third chance and meet when we are both ready and at the
same place and both fall in love again.
just before Christmas, I want you all to feel H-O-P-E!
Dessert... ;-)Posted by Birgitte Kratgaard 31 Oct, 2012 13:56:58
When you have the luck to be surrounded by marvellous people, you should remember to let them know, how unique you think they are!
In my world, I’ve been blessed over time to meet some amazing, unique people and the ones, who have decided to stick around give me so much more than words will ever be able to express. Still, I’d like to let you know what they mean to me – what YOU mean to me J By telling you how I got here today!
My start in social life – way back in my early years – could have been better. Got a cultural shock when I started kindergarten, and through my entire school years I felt different, outside the class community and never good enough to be part of the rest of the team, so to speak. I often felt pointed at, locked out from the groups formed in class and often ridiculed and laughed at. When I left elementary school I decided that if someone was to laugh around me, they should laugh with me and not at me! That meant that in my college years and the years following those, I often stood out as the clown or funny person wherever I was. Or at least tried to – that meant I could control who laughed at what (or at least had an impact on it)!
Somehow being the clown is not a bad thing. However, I ended up not knowing who I was and what I had to offer. I.e. when I was with other people I didn’t give myself space enough to be myself, but always hid myself behind the clown. Not in a conscious way, but often it was easier to say something funny and have people around me laugh than to say something I was afraid would make people look at me with new eyes – and risking them not to like me….
It took me many years to reach a point where I dared to leave the clown outside the door and be myself – not that I’m boring or have stopped being funny and make jokes, but I found the strength to dare be a little serious, to say things I wasn’t sure how my surroundings would react to, to actually be a little more manifold and versatile in my outbursts.
Of course this meant, that some people stopped and looked at me with new eyes – found out they didn’t like what they saw and turned their back. But more importantly it also meant that those people who found that there was more depth to me, that there was even serious thoughts behind the “dark version of a dumb blonde [no offence, girls!]” stayed put and they even opened to me. I found that the people surrounding me were warm, intelligent people with lots of humour and still room for serious and deep discussions.
I found you!
I have had my ups and downs, and I tend to try to break my own limits all the time. My body still keeps trying to hold me back, and maybe that is the lesson I should learn now: Take life in as it is, at a slower pace and in a more laidback position than so far. Maybe this is a chance for me to let down some of the expectations I have to myself. That I always get up and make sure that there’s newly baked bread in the morning, whenever there are people staying overnight, that I always do everything alone and not let people help me, that I never find that one kind of cake when friends come over for coffee is enough and thus feel that I have to make at least two different kinds….! Maybe this is the time to cut down some of all this work and make sure that I also have the extra energy to be with those of you who come by, with my family, not least my two loves in life, and in the end very much be with myself.
I long for the day when I will be able to sit down in my sofa with a book, open the first page and know that I can read it as long as I feel like it….. The only one who stops me, though, is me, and that is my biggest project ever – to make me understand what is the best thing to do for me.
Just the other day I promised my daughter that I will be at least a 100, well, why not a 110 years old, but if I don’t change the way I live, I won’t make it….. So, I will make a New Year’s resolution, although I’m a little ahead of time here, and promise myself that from this second, I will not have as many “must do”s in my life and expectations to myself as so far….
I might need your help on the way, and I promise you that I will listen to you when you help push me in the right direction.
And thus, I will end this session of words by reminding you, how important you are to me. You are such caring and devoted friends and take such good care of me – I’m blessed to be gifted with friends who have not once let me down. I look forward to being back to a normal me where I can give you back some of all the love you give me!
I send you L-O-V-E
Hugs & kisses